See, what happened was...(good stuff here)

Arthriticbutterflystyle

Ok, this is hilarious...hopefully I can tell it as accurately to how it happened.

I highly doubt anyone will actually read all the way through, but if you do...thanks and I promise it's worth it. I thought it was funny enough to spend the time to write out the whole story.

SO, this morning ended early for me because I banged the crap out of my knee again...but...how it happened was about the funniest thing that's happened to me in a long time and yet again proved, the pen really is mightier than the sword.

It started off rough...I had my skates sharpened right before because...it's pick-up hockey. I wanted to try some new stuff with my stance (which by the way was amazing, I was about 5 times quicker in butterfly and ready stance) so I wanted new edges. I go out there, I went to put the net on it's posts and I fall on my face...new edges are a pain. Moving along though...first 20 minutes goes by, skaters are coming out still and I've was fortunate to go 18 for 18. Now, since there's two of us, and I was in the frickin shooting gallery, we switch ends. THIS is where it gets funny. This guy, who apparently just has a hardon for anyone who isn't him...comes in, does this weird looking shoulder shrug...and gets stoned, but I gave out a rebound into the corner...so he stays in front of my net and I recover and I'm playing the shot from the corner. It goes out to the point...and this jerk is standing at the top of my crease and totally screening me no matter what I do (keep in mind I'm 6'1" and I can move pretty well now...I cannot see around this big mother ******). So I do like I always do and all the guys there know I'll do, I push this guy with my glove so I can duck around him...the guy turns around, mumbles something and tomahawks my chest. I chuckled and he mumbled something obviously even more frustrated then he was before...because I was laughing at him. As he skates off still mumbling I tell him "Yes Ma'am, never again will I." And he half shouts something back to me to the affect of "you're dead." This...of course, is cause for me to laugh even harder. It's pick up league people...nobody here cares, you're not going to the pros if you're out here. So, two shifts rotate through and guess who's back...and even more pissed after sitting for 4 minutes apparently (2 minute shifts, full line changes...he wasn't penalized. There's no refs). Yeah...THAT guy. So, again 2 on 0, I stoned the first shot, sent a rebound right in front, and my team scoops it under me. It's now dead...I pick the puck up, this guy comes tearin in to the crease and jams his stick between my legs. So me, being the smartest dumb person ever, turns right and rips it out of his hands. I then let my stick go and launched his halfway down the ice. (For anyone keeping track, this is apparently the third time I've pissed him off). I go to stand up and this guy just swings hard at my head...I deflected it up and it grazed the top of my helmet causing me to...you guessed it...laugh even harder. This guy is seriously throwing punches now all because I pushed him out of my crease. As he mumbles something to the affect of how much of a jerk I am, and warns me that he's "coming again for me" I yell back "That's what your girlfriend told me last night!" Yeah, guess what...I spent 30 seconds running from what appeared to be Ron Hextall in players equipment by the way he was swinging his stick. He finally throws his stick down and I square just to let him beat on me (I'm agressive...but I will not fight. It's stupid and utterly pointless, and apparently I hurt him worse with my words then he did with his fists/stick/helmet/gloves...whatever else he hit me with) and he runs up, pulls my whole chest protector over my head and starts punching my face...through my chest protector. Smart guy. Then he throws me to the ground and guess what...my wonderful legpads which we've all determined were 2" too short...over rotate and my knee collides with the ice producing what I can only describe as the most painful thing I've had happen in years. As I'm laying on my back in utter agony, this guy skates over me still talking about something and one of the other guys there says "Yeah man, you can't talk about his wife" and I finally hear this moron say "Don't talk about my wife, I've got 4 kids and I'm twice the player you could ever be." Now, I'll give you all a moment to reflect on this...because I laughed so friggin hard he started wailing on me again while I'm laying there. You're telling me, you're A) A better player (duh) and B) This is the example you want to set for your children?! Wow...just wow.

The moral of the story...my knee will heal...in a week or so. It's not the first time this has happened. HOWEVER, his ban will not. He's no longer allowed at that rink which means he's now got a 45 minute drive to play pick up hockey because he's SO awesome he beat the crap out of someone 1/2 his size with 2x as much gear on all because I pushed him out of my crease. On top of that, I'm pretty sure he's going to go home and beat his family because all I did was laugh at him and I'm not in the least scared of this guy.

-The End-

canadian_man_44 · Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 3:55 pm Post subject:

Awesome story. I was at work reading this and LingMAO.
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Arthriticbutterflystyle · Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 4:04 pm Post subject:

The best part is what did he truly accomplish by beating my a$$...multiple times at that...Absolutely nothing...now he's perma-banned, they only had one goalie for the last hour and fifteen minutes, everyone there now hates him for it, and what did I come away with? A bruise. On my knee...oooo...Funny thing is, he's actually in some semi-pro league, but he's on suspension for beating the crap out of his trainer. Emery anyone?

So anyways, I just opened a fortune cookie that said "Others are moved by your presence." How ironic is that? This guy was certainly moved...to the point he felt like moving around some of my beautiful facial features...haha

montreal961 · Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 8:01 pm Post subject:

Wow, some people never grow up. Rolling Eyes

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puckstopper135 · Posted: Fri Feb 13, 2009 8:37 pm Post subject:

Okay, 3 things:

1. The title of this thread scared the crap out of me Laughing

2. That guy sounds like a total douche - I'm amazed you weren't more badly hurt. What an idiot though - pulling the jersey over your head AND still trying to punch you. Rolling Eyes

3. Nice fortune cookie Laughing

Arthriticbutterflystyle · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:00 am Post subject:

1. Why? Worried about something?
2. He was, he's now banned from any Toledo rec rink and next time he walks in he'll be arrested. He didn't hurt me at all, I hurt myself WHILE he was trying to hurt me...but it wasn't just my jersey, the whole front of my protector was over my face yet he was still trying to hit me... Rolling Eyes

3. I thought so. Good to hear you like it too Wink

rjattack19 · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:03 am Post subject:

wow...i cant believe you didnt hit him...i mean good for you, way to control yourself but i would fought, just me though
_________________
How hard would you play today if you couldn't play tomorrow?

NO THOUGHT CONTROL
6'5" 205 Lbs.
78inch wingspan

Arthriticbutterflystyle · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:05 am Post subject:

Control is another essential piece to being a good netminder. I'm not Hextall, Roy or Emery. The statement "The pen is mightier then the sword" is very true. Physical confrontation solves nothing.

puckstopper135 · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:29 am Post subject:

1. I don't know, maybe Wink

I would've definitely lost my cool and thrown punches... after having laughed at the jerk though Laughing

Arthriticbutterflystyle · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 1:30 am Post subject:

By now you'd already have to know I'm different. And don't worry...I keep my secrets as well as I hold my anger.

rjattack19 · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 4:45 am Post subject:

idk, i can hold my temper, and ill never throw the first punch (unless they REALLY had it coming) but my dad always told me "never start a fight, but if i get in a fight, finish it"
_________________
How hard would you play today if you couldn't play tomorrow?

NO THOUGHT CONTROL
6'5" 205 Lbs.
78inch wingspan

TheAntiw00t · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 10:31 am Post subject:

Arthriticbutterflystyle · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 4:00 pm Post subject:

Take a swing sure, but this guy came in swinging his stick...that for sure spelled disaster for me if I tried to challenge...and once he had me on the run from his Hextall-like tactics...I was already severely disadvantaged...I was about 5" shorter, 2x bulkier and no way in hell could I even try. Plus, I did finish the fight...just not in his terms. He's banned from any Toledo area rink. I'd say I hurt him far more then he hurt me. It sure as hell feels like someone beat the crap out of me yesterday though...ouch. Everything is sore today. Like I said though, I have a week off since I'm going to FL to visit my grandparents so I'll be good to go next time I come back.

rjattack19 · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 6:04 pm Post subject:

ok the swinging stick part is a little over the top, no one should ever swing a stick. what were the other players on the ice doing while this went down? i know my team would have blind sided the guy if he was chasing me with his stick, and i would have done the same for any one else on the ice given the chance.
_________________
How hard would you play today if you couldn't play tomorrow?

NO THOUGHT CONTROL
6'5" 205 Lbs.
78inch wingspan

TheAntiw00t · Posted: Sat Feb 14, 2009 7:11 pm Post subject: